You’ve Heard His Side. You’ve Heard Her Side.
But Do You Actually Know What’s Going On?
How to assess a marriage — and get beyond the story you hear first. Join Rabbi Bentzion Shafier for an introduction to the Marriage Mentor approach to assessing a couple.
- ◆ Free live webinar with Rabbi Bentzion Shafier
- ◆ Learn how to look beyond the presenting complaint
- ◆ Discover why accurate assessment is the foundation of effective mentoring
- Date
- Monday, October 12th
- Time
- 9:00pm New York time
- Venue
- Live on Zoom
Monday, October 12th · 9:00pm New York time · Live on Zoom
Good Advice Based on a Bad Assessment Is Bad Advice
When someone you trust comes to you with a marital problem, there’s a natural temptation to help. You listen, you understand, you begin putting the pieces together — and then you offer advice.
But what if the picture you put together is wrong? What if the issue they’re describing isn’t actually the issue? What if the behavior that looks like the problem is merely a symptom?
What if you’re hearing years of hurt, frustration, assumptions, and interpretation — not simply the facts? What if something that appears to be a marriage problem is actually an individual emotional or psychological issue?
The Marriage Mentor Training teaches that effective mentoring requires three distinct abilities: understand the marriage, assess the problem, and develop a strategy for change. Skip the second step, and you may find yourself trying to solve the wrong problem.
The Story Is Almost Never as Simple as It Sounds
One of the realities mentors encounter is the tendency of spouses to develop an entire interpretation of the other person. A behavior becomes a pattern. A pattern becomes a character trait.
- “That’s just who he is.”
- “She’s controlling.”
- “He doesn’t care.”
- “She has to have everything her way.”
The Marriage Mentor Training describes how this can develop into demonization: a spouse may become so convinced of an interpretation that even ordinary behaviors become evidence supporting it.
And there’s another complication. When couples fight, the surface issue often isn't the real issue at all. Arguments that appear to be about birthdays, money, being late, or some other event can actually be driven by something underneath: pain — feeling unloved, disrespected, unimportant, or uncared for.
So how does a mentor uncover what is actually happening? That is the subject of this webinar.
Before You Can Guide a Couple, You Have to Understand Them
Marriage mentoring isn't simply having wisdom. It isn't simply having experience. And it isn't simply being a good listener. The Marriage Mentor Framework™ provides a structured approach:
Understand the Marriage
Learn the principles and dynamics that make marriages work.
Assess the Couple
Get beneath the presenting story and identify the root issues.
Guide with Confidence
Only once you understand what is happening can you begin developing an appropriate strategy for change.
This webinar will give you a window into the critical middle step: assessment.
Who Should Attend?
This webinar is designed for people whom couples already turn to — or who want to become better equipped to help them.
You do not need to be a therapist. The Marriage Mentor Training Program is not therapy training. It is a practical, Torah-based mentoring program designed to equip trusted mentors to guide couples while recognizing when professional counseling is appropriate.
Rabbi Bentzion Shafier
Rabbi Bentzion Shafier is the founder of The Shmuz and a widely respected teacher, mentor, and author. He has spent decades helping couples build stronger marriages through Torah-based clarity and real-world wisdom, and has trained community leaders to guide couples with confidence and compassion.
Sometimes the Most Dangerous Thing a Mentor Can Do Is Understand Too Quickly.
You heard the story. It makes perfect sense. You know exactly what's wrong. Or do you?
Before offering a solution, you need to know that you're solving the right problem. Join us for this special webinar and discover how the Marriage Mentor Framework™ approaches one of the most important — and most difficult — skills in mentoring:
Assessing a Marriage
- Date
- Monday, October 12th
- Time
- 9:00pm New York time
- Venue
- Live on Zoom
Come for the webinar. Leave with a different way of looking at a marriage.